After surviving over 20 years worth of summer vacation, first with my own kids and now with Ethan (#1 Grandson), I think I can safely say I’m an expert of ‘What To Do With The Kids On Summer Vacation’.
Ok, let’s rephrase that. There’s plenty of mommy bloggers out in the interwebs about to pump out ‘What To Do With Kids On Summer Vacation’. They will be all fun, crafty and probably full of some really awesome ideas for entertaining the small frys. Some, will even tell you how to do that on a budget. Take notes, you’ll need to keep those handy. Summer vacations have a way of turning into long, torturous experiences for parents.
But, in this addition of Tips From Grandma Juice, I’m going to let you in on my wealth of life experience (torturous never-ending summers) and let you know what not to do. Well, unless you like impromptu visits from CPS. Then, do everything on this list. Got your pen? Paper? A crayon or lipstick will work just as good.
- Introduce them to Telanovas. While these can be a great way to pick up Spanish over the summer, do we really need more dramatic kids? I mean, that last splinter little Johnny got was probably a little painful. But certainly did not require the blood curdling screech for 45 minutes followed by 2 days of army crawling because ‘my foot is broke’.
- Allow them to help daddy fix the kitchen sink. Doing projects together is a great bonding experience. But daddy doesn’t know what he’s doing and you’re only giving him a scape-goat when you flip the switch to turn on the garbage disposal and the dishwasher starts up. Call a plummer.
- Teach them to use the riding lawn mower. 4 year old’s can barely draw a straight line. The grass will never be even. Plus, your neighbor will likely be upset their prize winning rose bushes are now only good for potpourri.
- Give them $10 to ride their bikes to the 7-11 to buy Grandma Juice. They always forget their helmets. If they fall going up the curb you may have a scenario such as in example #1. But worse. There may be blood. And CPS.
- Show them how to use The Facebook. Waking up after a nap to see your timeline flooded with ‘Mommy farts in her sleep’ or “Cats don’t like being in the microwave’ could be very hard to explain to people who don’t have kids. And CPS.
- Never let them scavenge for change in the couch cushions so they can meet the ice cream man at the corner. Stale french fries and moldy pudding cups can cause intestinal distress. And by intestinal distress I mean you’ll actually have to get up off the couch and miss Jerry Springer re-runs to clean up vomit. And, fries and pudding can add unnecessary calories.
- Don’t let them help daddy trim the hedges. This will actually result in a warranted blood curdling screech. An expensive trip in a Waaaaambulance. And, CPS. Plus, your mother-in-law will only have more fodder to pick apart your parenting skills at Thanksgiving. (topic for another day)
- Allow them to watch Yo Gabba Gabba. Because… well. Obviously.
- Go on a long car ride to ‘see the sights’. I can’t recall a single time this has ever been an enjoyable experience for any of our children and definitely not for Grandpa and I. No sights were seen other than nasty truck stop bathrooms. No sing-a-long songs were sung other than ‘Are We There Yet’. And you get a rather large fine for duct taping a kid to the roof of the car. And, CPS.
- Do not let the older child help potty train the younger child. Poop finger painting may be fun for them but it’s not something you want to wake up from your couch nap to find. Trust me.
DO ALLOW THEM TO:
- Make mud pies. Dirt does wash off.
- Play in the rain. They are dry-able.
- Hold a sparkler on the 4th of July. Despite popular belief, rarely do they blow off their hands.
- Stay up late. Come on, there’s NO SCHOOL IN THE MORNING. LOOSEN UP.
- Pick out their own clothes. Who cares if they don’t match? THERE’S NO SCHOOL!
For the fun, crafty summer activities to do on a budget Google: “Mommy Blog”.
What’s your summer plans? Do you play and dance in the rain?